Monday, October 30, 2017

One Year ...

One year. 12 months. 365 days.  8760 hours. 525,600 minutes. 31,536,000 seconds.

How do we measure a year?

For some, we look back and realize that a year has seemingly dragged by with the droll slowness of watching paint dry.  And yet, in other ways, we look upon that same period of time, we blink our eyes, the passage of time has transported us recklessly ahead at the speed of light and we wonder where that time went.  When we break down a year into months, we see the number 12, a number that is relatively small and easily understood. But, when we break down a year into seconds, the thought of over 31 million measurements of time seems daunting and overwhelming.

For a parent, when  their beloved child is taken from life, the shock, the anguish to the heart, the mind, and the soul is incomprehensible.  As that first year elapses, a parent looks back upon the year wondering how fast that year flew by.  "It only seems like yesterday!  I remember her incredible smile and laughter so vividly!" And at the same time, as those 31,536,000 seconds elapse, a parent looks back upon that time and feels each second slowing ticking away as if each second was a small cut to their body, their life blood dripping with each cut, feeling the pain with each passing second... and dreading the seconds to come. Tick ... Tick.

With eating disorders, when a child or loved one is taken by this insidious disease, perhaps the best part of our heart is taken as well.  Their lives are not extinguished quickly.  The process is slow and painful. Tick Tick. When the doctor quietly says, "She's gone." In a blink of an eye,  you feel, you know the best part of your heart has died as well.

Naturally, all doctors and counselors look a parent squarely in the eye and say, "It is not your fault.  Parents are not to blame."  The eating disorder industry is very quick to point out that parents are not to blame.  My reply would be, "Have you had a beloved child ripped away by this damnable disease?  I have."  And no matter what you are told, or what the literature states, you always question and wonder if you could have done more, and with perfect clarity in hindsight, you come up with all of these wonderful, alternative ways you would have changed up the treatment plans or programs who tried to save the life of your child. You also know for an absolute certainty, that those thoughts will be part of who you are until your dying day, each and every day. Tick... Tick.

And the only remaining issue is, will those thoughts destroy you ... or will they fill you with this incredible resolve and strength.  Besides Biblical references, there are at least two inspirational writings that I reflect upon in times of need.  The first, from Dylan Thomas states, "Do not go gentle into that good night, Old age should burn and rave at close of day, Rage, Rage against the dying of the light."  The second, from President Teddy Roosevelt states, "Far better it is to dare mighty things, to win glorious triumphs, even though checkered by failure, than to rank with those poor spirits who neither enjoy nor suffer much because they live in a gray twilight that knows neither victory nor defeat."

A few months before Morgan was taken, someone was talking with her in our apartment.  It had been a particularly difficult day, the eating disorder demon was living strongly in our place and I felt old and worn out.  This person told Morgan, "Morgan, can't you see what this is doing to your dad.  He looks broken."  I then overheard her voice with clarity, strength  and perhaps even some anger, say, "My daddy is not broken!  He will never break! He is strong and can survive anything!" And so we shall.

Many people have approached us expressing their admiration for what we have done in the past 365 days.  They wonder how we could have done so many things in that time frame and they openly say that they do not believe they could have reacted as we have. However, it is as if the work we have done, what little there has been done, was not the result of a conscious decision.  It was not a calculated choice on our part. It is simply the outward manifestation of a soul's purpose and mission.  That purpose manifested itself in the soul of an incredible young lady and the mission was set forth in Morgan's Journals and reflected in the outpouring of love we received beginning 365 days ago.

And so, today is not an "Angelversary."  There will be no flowers, no butterflies, no rainbows no unicorns in this posting. Be sad or sorrowful for awhile if that is what your heart needs. I know I certainly am sad.  There is not a day that goes by that I do not think of her and miss her.  She was my "twin." Tears come and will continue to come.  But, in that sorrow comes additional clarity.  I now truly  and completely understand what Morgan meant when she said, "My daddy is not broken!  He will never break!"  Morgan was not talking about my physical body. She was not talking about my intellect. She was talking about my soul.  Perhaps she sensed it. Perhaps she knew I needed to get out of my own way and let my soul find me and its purpose made clear. And so, it was.

On this day, inspiration is revealed.  Inner strength continues to grow. We have a plan in place.  We have some incredible partners and supporters who share our vision. Eating Disorders absolutely did their worst.  And yet here we stand, stronger, more resolute than ever.  The Army of Warrior Angels is restless. And, so too, I hope the Army left here on earth just as restless and ready for action.

The Heart of a Lioness and Soul of a Warrior.  Do not just let them be words.

We are coming. And we will save lives ... One Precious Life at a time.





Monday, October 9, 2017

Anorexia ... Like Bulimia Except With Self Control

On October 2, 2017, on-line retail giant Amazon advertised for sale, a black, hoodie sweatshirt with the following words, emblazoned in day-glo pink, "anorexia (an-uh-rek-see-uh) Like Bulimia except with self control." Apparently, it has been listed off and on since 2015.

This follows on the heels of another "hilarious" t-shirt for sale on Amazon which reads, "I have an eating disorder, I'm about to eat dis order of fries, dis order of nachos and dis order of wings." And of course, we must start them young.  Amazon lists a baby bib on sale which simply states, "I beat Anorexia."

Finally, Amazon still lists a hoodie and a number of sweatshirts which read, "Got Anorexia?" (a parody of the old, "Got Milk?" commercials).

Predictably and understandably, the eating disorder community, and by this I mean the various foundations, groups on Facebook and other social media sites and parents' groups wrote various emails to Amazon, threatened boycotts, the internet print media picked up the angst and published a number of articles on the insensitivity of the message.  Again predictably, Amazon pulled down the offending hoodies from its website.  And yet, as this blog is being published, we still await Amazon's public apology, a statement confirming all revenue realized from the sale of the clothing will be donated to eating disorder foundations and a commitment to greater education and research of this disease. Don't hold your breath.

After the anger and “strongly worded letters” to Amazon, and after the offending item was removed from its site, the eating disorder community was apparently placated and has focused its attention on other matters.  They pat themselves on the back for a job well done and move on.  However, in reality, it is a job not even half done.

Does society treat other diseases with such a cavalier attitude?  Cancer? For the next three weeks, we are going to see bands of women dressed in hideous shades of pink parading on our streets reminding us of breast cancer. Heart disease? Leukemia? HIV?  Why eating disorders for such derision?  23 people are dying every day as a direct result of eating disorders.  Where is the outrage?  Where is the corporate responsibility?  Why isn’t the eating disorder community up in arms regarding the fact that society today has not invested itself to save the lives of 23 people a day? Perhaps  the very uncomfortable answer can be found by the eating disorder community by looking into a mirror.

In early November, the National Binge Eating Disorder Association is hosting its national conference in Brooklyn, New York.  It has partnered with the larger National Eating Disorder Association for this event.  Its main sponsors include Monte Nido & Affiliates (eating disorder related), Oliver-Pyatt Centers (eating disorders), Eating Recovery Center, Metro Behavioral Health Associates Eating Disorder Treatment Center.

And yet, ten of the Fortune 100 wealthiest corporations in the United States are based in New York. According to Forbes, the top three most prestigious law firms in the United States are all located in New York City.  Six of the top 35 wealthiest foundations in the world are located in New York City.  New York City is home to some of the most powerful persons and companies in practically all industries.  And what do all of these entities have in common?  None are participating or are listed as sponsors for the BEDA event …and never have been.

Then there is the larger, National Eating Disorder Association which is based in Manhattan.  At their 2016 national conference, their top-of-the-line gold sponsors were listed as; Center for Discovery, Eating Recovery Center, McCallum Place Eating Disorder Centers, Rosewood Centers for Eating Disorders.

The Academy for Eating Disorders, a global professional association comprised of doctors, professionals, research scientists, and counselors held their annual conference, the International Conference on Eating Disorders in June 2017 in beautiful Prague, in the Czech Republic.  Their sponsors?  Again, all eating disorder related entities.

The point?  Are eating disorders this deadly disease taking the lives of people every 62 minutes or not?  Do eating disorders have the highest mortality rate amongst all mental diseases or not? We know the answer to those questions. This disease does not discriminate. It impacts people across socio-economic, racial, and national origin boundaries. It is the perfect killer. And it appears as if the eating disorder industry is fully content to stay within its own shell, to not wander outside of its protected silos, to not bring, kicking and screaming if need be, companies, foundations, law firms and corporations which are not on the surface, related to eating disorders into the fold. If the eating disorder industry approaches the wealthiest foundations in the world and are told, “no,” are we content with that answer and go away? Or do we not understand that “no” can mean, “not yet,” or “try again.”

These points apparently have been lost or not explored and the eating disorder industry remain insular and largely ineffective ...  with one notable exception.  Amongst all of the eating disorder foundations, community and industries, I could only locate one instance where one foundation understands that we must find growth outside of the industry. This past May, I had the privilege of attending the Ninth Annual East Coast Gala for Project HEAL.  Some of their sponsors included; Johnson and Johnson, the Fusion Education Group, and The Liebhamer Family. In California, Project HEAL enlists the support of Arianna Huffington and San Francisco 49ers president, Paraag Manathe. On line, Project HEAL states that it has reached out to business, social, and thought leaders in Silicon Valley. Project HEAL was started by Kristina Saffran and Liana Rosenman who met while they were in treatment.  Both of these exceptional women are under the age of 30, and despite not having decades of business experience to call upon, they have wisdom far beyond their chronological years and have clarity of vision. They obviously see that change in the industry is necessary and are working toward this.

So, we will remain asking where are the Amazons, the ebays, the Microsofts, Apples, and American Airlines? Where are the major law firms? They certainly have employees who are being ravaged by this disease. And yet, they, like our politicians and society in general remain on the sidelines passively watching this disease repeatedly win this macabre Game of Death it plays with us.

The eating disorder industry and community can no longer be content with merely writing “sternly worded letters.” We must learn to “think big” and to “act big.” We must push for the incredible power and wealth of the industrialized world to support us.  We must learn to think outside the box, to show these corporations that it is in their employees’ best interest to embrace the eating disorder industry and our efforts to stop the spread of this insidious disease.  Until we do this with strength and conviction, we will remain a punch line for jokes that are displayed on sweatshirts and hoodies.

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